victim of false class consciousness, purveyor of cheap cigars.
wannabe BattleBot champion, Alpha Geek
Lara Edge, failed
dancehall singer, prickly personality
Jordan, escapee, Missoula School for Wayward Boys
Herb Himes, Wal-Mart
Greeter, past decoration champion
Tony Edge, Tiger
Woods impersonator, man about town
Cut to the chase: Show me the party invite!
sinks to new low
with 'Survivor XII: Knoxville'
Associated Press staff writer
W. Bush, right, makes a cameo appearance on the debut episode
of Survivor XII: Knoxville, airing at 7
p.m. Saturday, Dec. 8 on CBS.
I've been writing
television reviews for two decades.
I dozed through
Geraldo's journey into Al Capone's vault and cheered when a slackjawed
Klansman clunked him with a chair.
I bore witness
to Tony Danza's numerous crimes against the craft of acting.
I slowed down
to rubberneck as each of the "Seinfeld" co-stars crashed
and burned in their own series.
of misguided Montanans crash the Knoxville party, mumbling incoherently
about freedom from Big Sky Tyranny and injustices that Shaggy
committed against Scooby Doo.
XII: Knoxville" pushed me over the edge. I knew there was something
horribly, horribly wrong a few minutes into the debut episode. CBS
clearly miscalculated in this misguided effort to boost ratings
and revive the Survivor franchise.
was simple, or should have been. Toss a few dozen misguided misanthropes
into a room with a Christmas tree and see who emerges the champion.
resulted in cutthroat, entertaining
television. But this time, we are assaulted by crazed Montanans,
frightening Wal-Mart greeters, Alpha Geeks and an assortment of
me? Tune in for yourself and witness it yourself. Don't say I didn't
warn you ...
me the party invite!