The Held Bunkhouse
Cantref
Brecon Powys, LD3 8LT
(01874) 624646

The HeldThe grime of Gospel Pass, the grunge of The Grange and the pine slime of Llanthony's Wood slowly peal off of me, thanks to the hot, stinging spray of the shower at The Held.

The Held is a 200-year-old stone and timber barn that was converted into a bunkhouse in 1988.

It's the first time Westpoint Adventure has used it for a mountain biking expedition. Fortunately, it's a splendid facility.

Tony, Jason, Richy and I are in a room that's designed to sleep eight.

Simon Partridge, owner and manager of The Held, tells us when we arrive that we'll be sharing it with a group of English schoolchildren, who will be using the downstairs quarters, four rooms that can accommodate 16.

We quickly make ourselves at home, taking off our mud-caked clothes and heading for the showers. There are five washrooms, and we want to make sure we get into them before a swarm of kids descends on us.

Tony's already set up shop in the kitchen a well-equipped, common space, when the kids come buzzing into the bunkhouse, complete with a chaperone, a take-charge woman in her 40s who decides to muscle into the kitchen while Tony's trying to prepare our dinner.

Tony's not impressed, but he remains civil and manages to finish our dinner without doing something drastic that would leave the kids without a chaperone and him facing charges of assault with a deadly spatula.

As we eat our food -- beef, chips and baked beans, all smothered in HP Sauce -- the kids carry in dozens of bottles of milk and enough food to feed a small army for a week. They get to work making dinner as we eat ours.

As we eat, a bespectacled, befuddled man wanders into the kitchen.

"Was there another van here today," he asks.

"You mean the late van?" Tony asks, referring to a the second half of the group, which the woman had told us was following.

"No, we are the late van," the man says, leaving us as confused as he is.

Apparently, he hasn't seen the woman teacher. God only knows how. She's standing in the kitchen before an altar of sizzling ground meat and onions while the kids bounce off each other trying to put things up but mostly making a mess.

We, of course, assume he saw her. He, of course, hasn't. Until now.

Chagrined, he apologizes and walks over to her, explaining how they got turned around and finally found their way to The Held.

We move on from our dinner to our dessert -- custard and tarts. And then we decide it's time to check out the pubs in Brecon, deciding to leave the dishes for the morning rather than doing battle with the chaperone from hell and her army of milk-fed monsters.

<get back >